Friday, July 31, 2009


I'm pretty sure I have an ice cream addiction. More specifically, a Cold Stone chocolate cake batter with crushed up Oreos addiction. I think I'm averaging roughly 3 times a week this summer and I blame Cait. Ice cream has become our standby mode of socialization. It always starts out innocently, "Wanna hang out?" "Sure, what do you want to do?" Then it escalates once we realized we live in Portland, Maine and there isn't much to do. "We could practice dancing." "We could. Or we could get ice cream."

We definitely hit our lowest moment in our ice cream addiction last night. We had dance class at 7:15-9:00 and on our way there our cravings kicked in and we agreed that ice cream after class was necessary. It was two seconds later that Cait remembered we had to pick up her fiance, Brandon, at the bus station after class. It was two seconds after that that we realized we had agreed to rehearse with Jan and Barb for Mirage after class.

The ice cream place closes at 10:00.

I suggested we bolt to get ice cream, picking up Brandon after we got ice cream. Cait wouldn't agree to it. (She wouldn't admit it to Brandon, but I'm pretty sure she actually considered it.) We finally devised the plan that we would drive to the bus station, but I wouldn't stop the car. Cait would open the passenger door, allowing Brandon to dive in, all the while we would be screaming "GET IN THE CAR! HURRAY! THERE'S NO TIME!"

Fortunately for us, everyone was too tired to rehearse after class AND Brandon missed the bus and wouldn't be in town until after 10:00. We enjoyed our ice cream thoroughly.

And so, the addiction is temporarily assuaged.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Mature Aural Audiences Only

It's official.
I have come across the world's best website. It is awesome incarnate...or rather, as much as a website can be "incarnate"...ok, shut up. You get the point.

Just in case you didn't take my title seriously...well, let's just say you've been warned.

The Website? Porn for the Blind.
I'll give you a second to stop laughing, 'cause I'm serious, yo. The website is exactly what it sounds like--porn for the blind. No joke. Check it out yourself.

"Porn for the Blind is a not-for-profit organization dedicated to producing audio descriptions of sample movie clips from adult web sites. This service is provided free of charge."

Thank God. And here I was, worried that the blind would never be able to experience porn in the same way I can. Now, I know that blind men and women everywhere can finally have the freedom that only porn can bring! It makes me think that, even with all the wars and violence in the world, there is still some good in people. That there are those selfless enough to donate their time and read delicious porn to the blind.

Actually, I'm not even sure you can call it delicious. I guess it depends on your definition of delicious. Some of these excerpts are just phenomenal! (Yes, I've actually sat down and listen to can you NOT?!) I mean, who doesn't enjoy listening to some man who sounds as if he's probably circa 45 years old and still watching said porn in his mother's basement. And their mastery of prose? While I'll let them speak for themselves. Take these gems for example:

"The woman is massaging the skin on her buttocks"
"She is moving her breasts up and down. They not real."
"They all have reservations about getting into a strange van to have sex with some chick while a guy films it. This is a completely rational opinion."
"Then another...ah...caucasian dude comes in to her....ah...please her sexually."

I smell a new Academy Award Category for best Porn Recitation! Honestly, this stuff is pure gold!

I dare you to not waste hours listening, wishing that you were blind so you wouldn't feel so awkward. Hours of fun for the whole family!

Now, I do need to give credit where credit is due. Just in case you thought that I spend hours online searching for odd porn, I was introduced to this website by The Blogess and her sex column. It is she who apparently searches the internet for crazy things like Porn for the Blind. This woman is hysterical. If I could only be a third as funny as her, I would die happy and mostly likely die laughing. I highly recommend checking out her blog!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

I knew the UK was backwards, but seriously? WTF.

Ok, for those of you who have been spared my company recently, I have been preparing to move to London to attend the School of Oriental and African Studies (SOAS) to complete my masters in Ethnomusicology with a concentration in North African and Middle Eastern Music. Go ahead, you may now bow to the Queen Nerd. (That was not a suggestion, by the way, but an order. I may be a nerd, but I'm still Queen)

At any rate, it's been exciting as I busy myself to make arrangements-- finding housing, buying a plane ticket, finding temporary housing here until I leave, applying for a student visa, etc. It's been difficult and overwhelming, but exciting none-the-less.

That was until last Wednesday, when I found out that I got denied for my UK Student Visa. Now, I half saw this coming because I don't read instructions. The day after I mailed out my visa application, I received a letter from SOAS that looked pretty important. Yeah, it turns out that was supposed to go with my visa application. Damn.

So when I finally received my entry clearance refusal, I read through the reasoning and low and behold it was because my application was missing this important document. Then I continued to read and it turns out that the missing letter was not the only reason. Apparently, I was denied because of a lack of funding.

This was not going to be as easy to fix. It appeared at first sight that it was a lack of appropriate funding documentation. So, at this point I decided to sit down and actually read the visa application instructions, and that's when I discovered that the UK either A) is really as retarded as you might expect a bunch of inbred Englishmen to be or B) is still pissed off about the Revolution.

First, no where, seriously NO WHERE, can you find a listing of necessary documentation laid out in list form. Wouldn't it make sense make a easy to read list? You know, something like this?
  • passport
  • other important document
  • third important document
  • your soul
And then, not only do they not give a tidy list, but they change their minds about what they want depending on which official document you read!

The best part of the whole process? You have to prove you have £7200 "for at least 28 days [before you apply]. The end of that 28 day period must not be more than one month before the date of your application." Wait. WHAT? You have to have the money for no less than 28 days, but no more than a calendar month? Do they really only give you a day window in there?!


I do believe that I have gathered all the correct documentation, but seeing as I discovered a bit of information by just reading through the rules again to write this stupid blog, who knows.

All I can say, is that if I don't get my Visa....I'm gonna have to choke a bitch.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The Easy Way Out

I just thought I'd mentioned that I updated my other blog, So Close and Yet Safari today with not one, but TWO entries. You should check it out!

And yes. I used my other blog as an entry for this blog.
I never said, when starting this blog, that I wouldn't be lazy! I mean, I did write two entries in So Close, so you can cut me some slack, right?

Monday, July 27, 2009

Banana Changa and the Brown Cow from Hell

Successful weekend? Check.
Well, I guess that depends on your definition of successful. Did I get stuff done? Absolutely not. Did I enjoy myself? You betcha!

Friday night, I drove to NH to pick up my passport and other UK Visa related goodies from my parents. (There will be time for my UK-Student-Visa-process-chaos story soon enough) At any rate, I arrive at my parent's around 6:00 and my mom asks me shortly after arriving if I want to join them for "cocktail hour." Are you kidding me? Of course! I ask where they go and my mother replies, "Here." Awesome! So, I helped myself to the liqueur cabinet and with the help of my dad, found a recipe for "The Brown Cow from Hell" (Kahlua, milk, and chocolate syrup- a most delicious beverage!).

I spent a lovely day on Saturday with my parents before heading back to Portland. It was a gorgeous Saturday night and I appeared to have nothing to do, so I gathered a few folk and we went to Pine Point to enjoy some beers on the beach. It was on this trip to the beach that I discovered night-tag on the beach is the best friggin game ever! It's so dark that you can't ever tell who the hell is it. At one point, I ran up to a random posse of people strolling the beach, tagged someone and took off. Awesomely enough, the guy chased me back! Now, he was fast, but I'm a half antelope. I gave him a run for his money and right before he caught me, I channeled my antelope, turned on a dime to my right and lost him. I win.

Sunday was tassel belt making day. Cait, Jan, Barb and me all met at Casa Hanstrom to make "huge fuck-off tassels" for a tassel belt (see an example here) for our upcoming show on August 22nd. Jan, Barb and I were making some decent sized tassels and then Cait holds hers up for everyone to see, and I swear there was a cat hiding somewhere inside. It was, in Cait's words, GINORMOUS. I'm prettty sure it was larger than her head. My tassels looked like weenies next to hers. In fact, I had to give my tassels the whole its-not-the-size-that-counts-but-how-you-use-it pep talk when I got home (which was hard because I don't really believe it). So much for fuck-off tassels. So, at any rate, I did almost finish my tassel belt this weekend, so that whole not-gettting-anything-done thing I said eariler? I guess I take that back.

Finally, I finished of a great weekend with dinner with Cait, her brother Dan and her dad, where we spent the majority of the dinner making fun of our waiter, Kenny (a.k.a Chad...he totally should have been a Chad). The dude was tall skinny and stupid in a too-many-beers-at-the-frat-party kind of way. His standby phrase appeared to be "bro." Poor kid, so stupid you almost feel bad for him. Almost. Not bad enough that I resisted making him feel extremely uncomfortable when we ordered the "biggest" Banana Changa.

I'm going to hell.

P.S. I'm very disappointed in a lack of response for an appropriate blog title. I'm counting on you! You can't possibly expect me to be witty and actually come up with a good name! Shame on you!

Saturday, July 25, 2009


Well, here we are. Another blog. I am currently finishing up So Close and Yet Safari, which covered my trip to Kenya last November. Yes, I know. It's 8 months later and it's still not finished. But, we are not here to discuss my other blog.

I have big plans for this blog and it's job is an ambitious one:
  • To offer friends, family, and stalkers a means to keep tabs on my doings
  • To serve as a travel blog for my upcoming explorations around the world (and if I have my way, they will be numerous)
  • To share interesting information I gather during my travels, my studies as an ethnomusicologist, and my time as a dancer.
  • To be a much needed place to share rants, raves, fabrications, gossip, and complete nonsense.

As you might have noticed, I haven't quite hit upon the perfect name for this blog, but I have faith that it will come to me soon enough; and by "come to me," I mean "I'll get someone else to come up with it." Therefore, my blog's first matter of business is to come up with a name.

Ready? GO!